Belonging Is a Verb: Connection, Difference, and Relational Therapy
“Belong yourself to those who need you. Find those, human and other than human, who are drifting to the fringes, who are the least valued or most unexpected to have something to offer; look for those without a voice, and draw them in closer.”
Belonging, connection, and difference are fundamental aspects of the human experience. They shape how we relate to ourselves, to others, and to the world around us. In embodied relational Gestalt therapy, belonging is not just a state of being — it’s a living process, an active verb.
Connection in Relationship
We experience connection when we feel acknowledged for exactly who we are. True connection does not require us to change anything about ourselves or about the other person. In therapy, connection provides the foundation for presence, awareness, and growth.
Difference in Relationship
We also experience difference in relationship. This happens when we recognise the important ways we are not the same as another person — and still remain in meaningful, authentic contact. Difference invites us into respect and curiosity, without collapsing into sameness or demanding change.
Belonging as an Active Process
Belonging is not a fixed state. It’s a process we co-create in relationship. Belonging is felt when we are accepted for who we are, without having to adjust or diminish ourselves.
When belonging is understood as a verb, we:
learn to orient and reorient to each other
acknowledge that we are always in process
discover flexibility in how we relate
expand into presence without needing to control or fix
Breaking the Illusion of Aloneness
When there is enough support to show up fully with another person, and to receive them as they are, something shifts. The illusion of aloneness dissolves.
This is the ground of relational therapy: being with another in a way that makes freedom and authentic presence possible.
Frequently Asked Questions About Belonging in Therapy
What does “belonging is a verb” mean?
It means belonging is not a static label but an ongoing process created through relationships, acceptance, and presence. This particular term is borrowed lovingly from toko-pa turner.
How does relational therapy explore belonging?
Relational therapy focuses on how we experience connection and difference with others. It offers a space to explore belonging as something we actively create together.
Why is belonging important for mental health?
Belonging helps us feel safe, grounded, and connected. Without it, we can feel isolated or disconnected. Therapy can support the experience of belonging in authentic ways.
What if I struggle to feel like I belong?
Many people feel this way. Therapy provides support to explore the patterns that limit belonging and to experiment with new relational possibilities.
Do you offer relational therapy online?
Yes. I offer embodied, relational Gestalt therapy in Toronto as well as online therapy across Ontario.
