Exploring Codependency: Boundaries, Wholeness, and Therapy Support
“Codependency” is a term with many definitions. It often describes dynamics of needing to be needed, unclear boundaries, or trying to control people and situations. At its core, codependency involves at least two people: typically, one who needs and one who is needed.
It’s important to remember that needing and being needed are natural human traits. In fact, we need each other to survive, we need each other to come to understand ourselves. The problem arises when these roles become rigid, limiting your ability to move freely in life and relationships.
What Is Codependency?
In the dominant culture, “codependent” has often been used as a shaming label. Yet the patterns behind it usually emerge from a person’s deep effort to find connection, safety, and belonging in unsupportive environments.
For some, needing to be needed was a survival strategy — their only way to feel acknowledged, valued, or loved. Over time, this survival pattern can become entrenched, leading to relationships where personal needs are abandoned for the sake of the happiness (comfort, perceived safety, etc.) of the other person.
Codependency and Humanity
While clinical definitions point to traits like lack of boundaries, rescuing behaviours, or self-sacrifice, they often leave out a key ingredient: humanity.
When you love someone who is suffering, you may feel compelled to do anything to lessen their pain — even at the expense of your own well-being. Many people can resonate with this, whether or not they identify as “codependent.”
👉 The deeper question is: what happens to your wholeness when your focus is always on someone else’s needs rather than your own?
👉 And also: how has it helped you to put yourself last? And how have you kept this up for so long?
Losing Yourself in Relationships
When your energy is tied up in rescuing or managing someone else, you risk losing your sense of self. This can look like:
abandoning your own needs and desires
feeling enmeshed or overly responsible for others
prioritising others’ well-being over your own wholeness
In therapy, the movement may be towards disentangling from these patterns so you can reconnect with your autonomy, boundaries, and sense of self.
Therapy for Codependency: Moving Toward Wholeness
As a child, you may have had to adapt to difficult or unsupportive environments. These patterns helped you survive and find belonging. As an adult, you have more choices.
Therapy support for codependency can help you:
notice and shift rigid and fixed patterns
build awareness of your own needs and preferences
explore clear and flexible boundaries
reconnect to joy, even when loved ones are struggling
choose relationships and communities that nourish you
Gestalt and embodied therapy emphasize awareness in the present moment, helping you move away from abandoning yourself and toward living more fully.
Reflective Questions on Codependency
What would happen if you stopped using another person as a reason not to be yourself?
What would be possible if you stopped limiting your wholeness and began living fully, in your own magnificent way?
Frequently Asked Questions About Codependency
What are the signs of codependency?
Signs of codependency can include difficulty setting boundaries, putting others’ needs ahead of your own, feeling responsible for others’ emotions, and losing sight of your identity in relationships.
How does therapy help with codependency?
Therapy provides a safe space to explore patterns of needing to be needed, understand where they came from, and practice new ways of relating that support both connection and autonomy.
Can codependency come from childhood experiences?
Yes. Many codependent patterns begin as survival strategies in childhood. Over time, they become entrenched habits. Therapy can help you bring awareness to these patterns and open new choices as an adult.
What is the difference between caring and codependency?
Caring involves empathy and support while maintaining your own sense of self. Codependency often means sacrificing your needs, boundaries, or identity to focus entirely on someone else.
Do you offer codependency therapy online?
Yes. I offer therapy for codependency in Toronto and online therapy across Ontario. This allows you to explore relational patterns in a safe and accessible environment.
Ready to Explore Codependency in Therapy?
If you’re searching for therapy for codependency in Toronto or online therapy in Ontario, I offer a compassionate, non-pathologizing approach. Together, we can explore how codependency patterns show up in your relationships and move toward reconnecting with your wholeness.
Book a free consultation to explore what therapy can make possible.
Written with gratitude to Ambrose Kirby for his words and wisdom on the subject.
